Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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