her vagine was all disorganized.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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