Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
