Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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