its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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