I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
