I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
