Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
