K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
