I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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