All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
