My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
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