my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
