i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
