were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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