have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
