how can u be prego again
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
