Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
fuck your aforementioned shoe
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
