I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
