he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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