Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
