he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
