Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
two words...techno handjob
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
