i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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