I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
