just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
