How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize