then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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