she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
