Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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