i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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