i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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