I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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