just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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