dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
