new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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