i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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