Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he was CRYING into my vagina
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
