CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
