drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
