Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
