forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
