so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why can't burritos get me drunk
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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