she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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