I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
