Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
