Don't make out with my wife yet
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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