DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
