Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
