I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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