I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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