would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
