1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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