R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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