I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
