Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
